|
Monday, February 11, 2002
Transcribed and edited by Cindy Popiela and Karen Ross.
* In the transcript, "Colin" refers to Troy impersonating his brother, Colin.
At Lindsay's
She's on the phone with Troy.
Troy: (on the phone) Lindsay! Lindsay, I'm in trouble!
Lindsay: Well, just tell me where you are and I'll come get you. I'll help you, I just don't know where you are. Troy! Where are you?
Troy walks up behind Lindsay and prepares to start his Colin impersonation.*
"Colin": I'm right here.
Lindsay: (turning around) Troy?
"Colin": What's wrong? Lindsay, who's on the phone?
Troy: (on the phone) Lindsay! Be careful.
"Colin": Who is it, Lindsay? Is it another one of those crank calls? Lindsay just hang up. Don't even worry about those. Pretty soon you and I are going to be so far away from here, we can forget all about those. Now come on, we gotta get going or we're going to miss our plane. And we can't have that. If we miss our plane, then we can't get married, right? (heading for the door) Come on, let's go get married.
"Colin": Lindsay, you ready?
Lindsay: (nervously) No!
"Colin": No! What do you mean no?
Lindsay: No, I'm not ready.
"Colin": What are you talking about? Lindsay, you're bags are packed. Look at you, you couln't look more beautiful.
Lindsay: Well I'm not, I'm not finished packing. I got distracted by this call.
"Colin": The calls really bothering you, huh? Here hang up. (taking the receiver from her, he hangs it up)
Lindsay: No., no.
"Colin": I'm going to star 69.
Lindsay: No, it was a wrong number.
"Colin": These crank phone calls really got you spooked, huh? Listen, don't you worry okay. I am here now. I'm going to take good care of you okay!
Lindsay: Okay. . . I know you will. . . I can't wait to marry you.
"Colin": (touching her face) I can't wait to marry you either.
Lindsay: (going to the suitcases) Well let me just go make sure that I packed everything. (she looks at a brochure of Paris and then says to him) You know, uh honey, I love Rome so much. I'm so glad we're getting married there.
"Colin": Yeah, yeah me too. I'll tell you, I've always been a big fan of Rome. I can't imagine taking you anywhere else to make you my wife. So, you got everything?
Lindsay: You know, I just remembered that Jen is stopping by.
"Colin": What, now!
Lindsay: She's going to be here any minute. You don't mind waiting, do you?
"Colin": Lindsay, we gotta go!
Lindsay: She's probably just looking for a parking spot. I'll go find her. (trying to leave)
"Colin": What, I don't rate a kiss now?!
Lindsay: (walking over to him) I'll be right back. I'll go get her. (she gives him a quick kiss. He grabs her tight and gives her a big kiss. She backs away and starts to hurry to the door.)
"Colin": (rushing to the door to push it closed, then grabs her wrist) You're not going anywhere!
Lindsay: (struggling to break free of his grasp) LET GO! LET GO!
"Colin": (pulling her away from the door) Oh come here! You think I'm going to let my brother's fiance out of my sight, huh?
Lindsay: (struggling and crying) It can't be you! It can't, you're dead! I buried you myself!
"Colin": WRONG! You buried John Doe #6.
Lindsay: What!
"Colin": Oh come on try and stay with me here Lindsay. I'm a doctor. I went to the morgue, I picked out a body. It's not that hard.
Lindsay: NO! It was you!
"Colin": What are you talking about! I'm ten times better looking than that dead guy. You know how long it took me to make him look like me? It's a good thing I was married to a plastic surgeon.
Lindsay: No! It isn't possible.
"Colin": Let me tell you, that was the easy part. Being Troy, now that's work.
Lindsay: (breaking free of his grasp) Why would you do that?
"Colin": I don't know. (putting his hand over his stomach) It makes me sick to my stomach even pretending to be Troy. I was just trying to get you out of here quietly.
Lindsay: Get me out of here!
"Colin": BUT YOU HAD TO GO AND BE DIFFICULT, DIDN'T YOU LINDSAY?!
Lindsay: Where are you taking me?
"Colin": I'm taking you to Disneyland, little girl! Go get your mouse ears! Like I'm going to tell you! So how did you know I wasn't Troy?
Lindsay: I knew the minute I laid eyes on you.
"Colin": Did you now?
Lindsay: Yes, because you're nothing like him. Nothing!
"Colin": Oh, you mean I'm not a sap like he is?
Lindsay: DON'T talk about him like that!
"Colin": DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS IS HOW SOFT YOU GOT? IF I'D BEEN A LITTLE NICER, YOU'D HAVE BEEN WALKING DOWN THE AISLE WITH .
Lindsay: SHUT UP!
"Colin": Ohhh that's RIGHT! This was suppose to have been the happiest day of Lindsay's life. Oh well, so much for that! (laughing)
Lindsay: Why are you doing this?
"Colin": Oh, come on Lindsay! You can't tell me that this is a surprise. It's not like I haven't been dropping hints all along.
Lindsay: That was you that made the phone calls?!
"Colin": BINGO!
Lindsay: You sent me that needle?
"Colin": (smiling) Nice touch, wasn't it?
Lindsay: My God! I thought it was Nora.
"Colin": (getting angry) Hey! You watch your mouth about Scarlett! Scarlett would never do that! Do you hear me?
Lindsay: That was Troy on the phone. You kidnapped him!
"Colin": That's right! Now you better be a very good girl or Troy's going to be a very dead brother.
"Colin": Aww, why so sad Lindsay? (sounding cheery) Turn that frown upside down.
Lindsay: What have you done with Troy? He sounded like he was hurt.
"Colin": Did he now?
Lindsay: What have you done to him?
"Colin": You think I'm going to let that idiot profit off of all the things I did? The minute he comes to town, he opens a free clinic to make up for all the bad things that his brother did.
Lindsay: He wanted to help people.
"Colin": Oh please! He was trying to make people like him. You know how hard it is to stay dead with him going around crying to everybody how sorry he was for all the pain I caused?
Lindsay: He is sorry!
"Colin": Oh sure he is!
Lindsay: And he doesn't need to make people like him, because he's likeable. He's a good person. He's, he's . . .
"Colin": (laughing) He's a GOOD PERSON! Oh please!
Lindsay: Yes, yes he is. If you do anything to him, I swear . . . (pushing back)
"Colin": Oohhh! Whatcha going to do, huh? Whatcha going to do, Lindsay?
Lindsay: (crying) Please! Please take me to him.
"Colin": Why should I?
Lindsay: Oh please! Please let me see him. Please. Please Colin!
"Colin": You know, I'm going to go one better. I gotta a better idea right in this little bag. (opening a bag, he pulls out a tape) LET'S GO TO THE VIDEOTAPE!
"Colin": Sit! (pushing her down on a chair) Good girl! Now don't move.
Lindsay: Okay.
"Colin": I'm telling you Lindsay, you try anything and that's good-bye lover boy! I'm telling you right now.
He plays the tape. Lindsay sees Troy handcuffed to a spinning wheel in the funhouse.
Lindsay: (kneeling in front of the TV) Troy!
Then "Colin" moves into the picture.
"Colin": You think you got it bad! I'm the one that's gotta tell Lindsay I love her. Just hope I don't throw up!
Troy: (breathing heavily) Lindsay. Lindsay. Lindsay.
"Colin" stops the tape.
"Colin": (a trace of guilt crossing his face) You see, he's fine!
Lindsay: That's not fine!
"Colin": Well at least you know he's alive, right?
Lindsay: Do I?
"Colin": You just got a phone call from him, didn't you? And I'm telling you right now, one call from me and it's good-bye Troy! His keeper will kill him.
Lindsay: (crying) Just tell me what I have to do to keep him alive. Just tell me! Tell me, I'll do anything! (a big grin spreads across Troy's face)
|