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Friday, March 9, 2001
Transcribed by: Pammus
Colin is standing on a chair, addressing the assembled crowd. Nora, Sam, Bo, Lindsay, Lanie, Will, RJ, Antonio and Roseanne are present.
Colin: I'm glad you could all make it. One hundred percent attendance. {he steps onto and walks over the table, and hops off onto the floor. He is obviously proud of himself and very pleased.} Kind of makes you tingly all over, doesn't it?
Lanie: Colin, what is this all about?
Lindsay: What are you up to?
Antonio: {glares at RJ} Come on, MacIver, your note said I could arrest someone I've been after for a long time, so let's hear what you have to say.
Colin: Well, actually, you know what, it's more of an announcement, really. An announcement that's gooing to affect you all… one way, or another. I'm leaving town. NO, don't try and talk me out of it.
Sam: Give it a rest, pal. Spare us this little performance. Everybody, I think you should just go home. Bo and I will handle this clown.
Bo: Now, wait, just hold on a minute. Before we break up this little gathering, I want some answers….{Colin looks smug as Bo pulls out his invitation} If you want the truth telling to begin, then come to the lounge and the Cherryvale Inn. {looks up at Colin} See you like poetry, huh? {Colin shrugs} The truth with me is always a hit, so get to the point you little… bullet. {Colin smirks} What is this truth you're talking about, MacIver?
{camera pans around the room, to Lanie, Colin, Nora, and rests on Lindsay as the scene fades out}
Fade in.
Colin: Let me ask you something, Commissioner. What is truth, anyway?
Bo: Don't start with me, MacIver.
Colin: No, no, no, no, no, I'm serious, I'm serious. I mean, people have been debating the meaning of truth since the beginning of time, right? So maybe we should explore this. Maybe, maybe truth is relative. For example, maybe Lindsay's truth is different from mine.
Lindsay: {shaken} You wouldn't know truth if it hit you in the butt.
Colin: And then there's truth with the capital T. The kind of truth that changes lives. For better or for worse. Now maybe that's the kind of truth we're interested in tonight.
Will: {yelling angrily} Now here's the truth Colin. You are a liar and a cheat. {Lanie moves to hold his arm}
Colin: {points toward Will, with a raised voice} I appreciate the little outburst, Skippy. We'll get back to you shortly. Back to my point. Does truth change? Or is it constant? Does it lose its impact? Does it fade with time? Maybe we'll answer those questions tonight as well.
Lanie: Why are you doing this, Colin?
Colin: Because I can.
Lanie: Why don't we go talk somewhere, just you and I?
Bo: No, no, no, nobody goes anywhere. Let's go, MacIver, this is your show. Get on with it.
Colin: Ah, ah, ah, patience is a virtue, Commissioner. But I shouldn't have to tell you about virtue, should I?
Sam: And brevity is the soul of wit. So would you get to the point?
Colin: Oh, you can bet your sweet bottom that I will there, Sammy. {turns attention to the rest of the room} Now, we always don't want to hear the truth, do we? But sometimes, we need to. For protection. Right RJ?
Nora: All right, enough with the Agatha Christie. I'm with Bo, and I'm with Sam. Let's just get to the bottom with this. You wanted us all here, we're all here. If there's a truth to be told, let's hear it.
Colin: Oh, there is a truth to be told. And I am going to tell you. But not on an empty stomach. Ladies and gentlemen, appetizers are served. A nd then we will move onto the main course.
{Next scene}
Lindsay: What a nerve you have. Do you honestly think any of us are interested in having dinner with you? Bo, why ar eyou letting this continue?
Bo: Well, I wanna hear what he has to say, Lindsay. And if what he has to say turns out to be the truth, then so much the better.
Lindsay: If the truth is what we're going to get, but this is a sham. Dinner. The note'd said anytihng about dinner, I wouldn't have come.
Nora: What did your note say, anyway? Oh, never mind. Lindsay is right. Now, look at us. Colin knew none of us would have come if we knew it was just a chance for him to be PT Barnum.
Colin: {steps up to Nora} Well, I for one am very glad that you are here, Scarlett.
Sam: You don't wanna call her that.
Nora: {holds up a hand} No, it's all right Sam. It's gone this far, let's… let him continue. {Colin and Nora stare at each other for a moment} Well, where do you want us, Colin, meticulous host that you are. You've forgotten place cards.
Colin: {smiles} Wrong about me again. {points to his head} Place cards are up here. Nora, you will sit on my right please. Lanie, I want you on my left. And Sam, as head of the esteemed Rappaport family,I would like you at the other end.. of the table. {they move to their places}
Antonio: RJ, old buddy, why don't you come and sit here next to me? {RJ laughs, Roseanne grabs a spot between RJ and Sam}
Colin: Now, before we go any further, I wanna share with you my inspiration for this evening. It was Todd Manning's wedding. {Bo looks like he's about to be sick} I heard it was spectacular. All those deep, dark secrets suddenly exposed to the light of day. And that's when it hit me. What a great theme for a dinner party! Secrets and lies. {takes his place at the head of the table} Well, Lindsay, since you wanna get this over with so badly, maybe we should start with a secret about you first.
{Nora looks between them, intrigued. Lindsay squirms as Colin grins at her.}
{Next scene}
Bo: What are you waiting for, MacIver? You got something to say about Lindsay? Say it.
Colin: I'm sorry Lindsay. I wish I didn't have to do this.
Lindsay: You have nothing to say that anyone here is going to believe.
Colin: You know, Lindsay, it's like I've always told you. The truth may be painful, but it's always for the best.
Lindsay: You can't prove anything.
Colin: Oh, I think the proof might just be in the telling.
Nora: Then tell it already. If it's about Lindsay and my kidnapping, please tell it, Colin.
Colin: {stands and leans over the table, in Nora's face} It is about Lindsay. Think back. {stands up straight and focuses on Sam} Think back, Sammy. Think back to that fateful day when you got that anonymous phone call at your office, telling you to come home right away. Which, you did. And there you found Lindsay, how do I say this, playing "hide the gavel" with one of your younger law partners?
Lindsay: It's no secret.
Colin: That's right, Sammy. It was me. I'm the one that called your secretary. Now I bet you're wondering how I knew that Lindsay would be there with your partner? Now, well, that part was because of Jenn. She called me up, crying about her momma.
Lindsay: Jen was there?
Colin: Oh, yeah, and she saw the whole thing. Up close and personal. {Will squirms as Colin hovers over Sam.}
Sam: So you made that anonymous call.
Colin: That's right, Sammy. Makes ya mad, doesn't it?
Sam: My daughter went to you for help.
Colin: And I gave it to her. And then some.
Sam: She trusted you, Colin.
Colin: I betrayed that trust, didn't I? I'm a bad, bad man. But you know, in all truthfulness, I was sincerely trying to help Jen.
Lindsay: Like hell you were.
Colin: I was. Jen was confused and upset and she wanted her Uncle Colin to fix things for her.
Sam: Well, you certainly did that, didn't you?
Colin: Well, come on, Sam. Yo ucan't blame me for your mess of a marriage, now can you?
Lindsay: You had no right. No right to get involved in any way!
Colin: Hey now, hey now. I was summoned by a family member. Now Jen and I.. we were, we were always close. And I hope that we stay close. {Leans down and speaks directly to Sam} Maybe even… closer.
Sam: {rubs his temples and snaps at Colin's last words. He jumps up and tackles Colin, pushing him against the wall} I will kill you.
{Next scene}
Bo: {breaks up the fight} Hey guys, hey guys, let it go.
Sam: {to Colin as Bo pulls him away} If you come anywhere near Jen, near my family, I will kill you. I swear, I will.
Colin: {is having a blast} Oops, I think I did it again.
Bo: You do exactly what he says. You stay away from his family or you're going to answer to me.
Colin: You know something? All of a sudden, I am tired of this. I am tired of this whole thing. I am tired of all of you. {stands at the head of the table} Party's over. You can all go home.
Bo: {yelling} No, you've got more to say. Spit it.
Colin: Fine, Commissioner, you wanna hear it? Good bye. I am leaving this lousy town! I should've done it sooner. The first true love {he looks at Lanie} left me. She took my livihood with her. Thank you very much. {looks to Nora} And the second true love of my life betrayed me. Played with my heart. {Nora looks almost sad} But, now that I've found a decent source of income, good times for Colin. Just not here. {holds up a piece of paper} See this right here, people? This is a plane ticket. That's right, a one way ticket to Maui. Nothing but sun and fun. Aloha everybody. {turns to leave, but stops and turns back} Oh, yeah, one more thing. I won't forget you. I won't forget any of you. And I will make sure that none of you ever forgets me. I WILL be intouch. Jut about everyone in this room has secrets. Things that they don't' want anyone to know. But I know them. Lindsay. Roseanne. RJ. And little Lanie over here. And the list just keeps on going. And I won't forget. So just when you least expect it, you're gonna pick up the phone and it'll be me. So have a wonderful evening everyone. Enjoy it. Enjoy the rest of your lives if you can. Me, I'm just a phone call away.
{Colin leaves the room, everyone left is stunned silent.}
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